WOMEN ARE COMPLICATED CREATURESWOMEN ARE COMPLICATED CREATURES
1. Women especially love a bargain. The question of 'need' is irrelevant, so don't bother pointing it out. Anything on sale is fair game.
2.Women never have anything to wear. Don't question the racks of clothes in the closet; you 'just don't understand'.
3.Women need to cry. And they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.
4.Women will always ask questions that have no right answer, in an effort to trap you into feeling guilty.
5.Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.
6.Women don't need sex as often as men do. This is because sex is more physical for men and more emotional for women. Just knowing that the man wants to have sex with them fulfills the emotional need.
7.Women hate bugs. Even the strong-willed ones need a man around when there's a spider or a wasp involved.
8.Women can't keep secrets. They eat away at them from the inside. And they don't view it as being untrustworthy, providing they only tell two or three people.
9.Women always go to public restrooms in groups. It gives them a chance to gossip. ( OF COURSE LOL)
10.Women can't refuse to answer a ringing phone, no matter what she's doing. It might be the lottery calling.
11.Women never understand why men love toys. Men understand that they wouldn't need toys if women had an 'on/off' switch.
12. Women think all beer is the same.
13.Women keep three different shampoos and two different conditioners in the shower. After a woman showers, the bathroom will smell like a tropical rain forest.
14.Women don't understand the appeal of sports. Men seek entertainment that allows them to escape reality. Women seek entertainment that reminds them of how horrible things could be.
15.If a man goes on a seven-day trip, he'll pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice; if a woman goes on a seven-day trip she'll pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.
16.Women brush their hair before bed.
17.Watch a woman eat an ice cream cone and you'll have a pretty good idea about how she'll be in bed.
18.Women are never wrong. Apologizing is the man's responsibility, 'It's there in the Bible'. Hmmm, who was it that gave Adam the apple?
19.Women do not know anything about cars. 'Oil-stick, oil doesn't stick?' ( YEA YOU HEARD IT!)
20.Women have better restrooms. They get the nice chairs and red carpet. Men just get a large bowl to share.
21.The average number of items in a typical woman's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
22.Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours.
23.A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, or get the mail.
24.Women will drive miles out of their way to avoid the possibility of getting lost using a shortcut.
25.Women don't try as hard as men during sex; after all, they don't fall asleep afterwards.
26.Women do NOT want an honest answer to the question, 'How do I look?'
27. PMS stands for: Permissible Man-Slaughter. (Or at least men think it means that. PMS also stands for Preposterous Mood Swings and Punish My Spouse) LOL
28. The first naked man a woman sees is "KEN". LMAO
29.Women are insecure about their weight, butt, and breast sizes.
30. Women will make three right-hand turns to avoid making one left-hand turn.
31. 'Oh, nothing,' has an entirely different meaning in woman-language than it does in man-language.
32.Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.
33.All women are overweight by definition; don't agree with them about it. Women always have 5 pounds to lose, but don't bring this up unless they really have 5 pounds to gain.
34.If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, 'What did you do?'
35.Only women understand the reason for 'guest towels' and the 'good china'.
36.Women want equal rights, but you rarely hear them clamoring to be let into the draft to cover the responsibilities that go with those rights. All women seek equality with men until it comes to sharing the closet, taking out the trash, and picking up the check. =)
37.Women never check to see if the lid is up. They seem to prefer taking a flying butt leap towards the bowl and then chewing men out because they 'left the seat up' instead of taking two seconds and lowering it themselves.
38.Women can get out of speeding tickets by pouting. This will get men arrested.
39.Women FAKE ORGASM because men FAKE FOREPLAY. LOL
40. It's okay for women to dance with each other and not be gay. You don't see straight men dancing together.
41.Women will spend hours dressing up to go out, and then they'll go out and spend more time checking out other women. Men can never catch women checking out other men; women will always catch men checking out other women.
42.The most embarrassing thing for women is to find another woman wearing the same dress at a formal party. You don't hear men say, 'Oh-my-GOD, there's another man wearing a black tux, get me out of here!' ( OH YES. )
GREAT REASONS TO BE A GUYGREAT REASONS TO BE A GUY
Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. ( S0 TRUE )
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to clean if the meter reader is coming.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
Wedding dress - $2,000. Tuxedo rental - 75 bucks.
You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
Your pals will never trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You know which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
Gas (at either end) is cool.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.